Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
