Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
