Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
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him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went