I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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