I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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