just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
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If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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