i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
