is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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