So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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