I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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