If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
