my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
