I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
