wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
