You're so nebulous sometimes
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
