If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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