Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
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I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize