I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
