I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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