Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
