Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
