I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
