Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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