I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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