Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
