Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
