so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
