ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
