He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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