Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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