Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
