Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize