There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
