I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
