I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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