Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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