I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
