Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
