Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
