I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
