I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
