I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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