You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
