whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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