I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
