Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
