im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
