He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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