By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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