i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
