am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
