Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I could make wine with my vomit
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You need Xanax blowdarts
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
