we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
