so that wasnt chicken after all
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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