....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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