just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
