and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize