apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
