Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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