whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
