Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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