I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
