WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
