May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Randomize
