Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  you still trying to smash that chick?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober

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  (248): you still trying to smash that chick? (1-248): it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober http://tfl.nu/22ty
  Replies (1) Good night (828) Bad night (1084)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.

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  (360): The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade. http://tfl.nu/rkoj
  Replies (48) Good night (4296) Bad night (624)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  your address is 607B right?

  (785): View more from Kansas

  yeah why?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it

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  (913): your address is 607B right? (785): yeah why? (913): i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it http://tfl.nu/019d
  Replies (11) Good night (1219) Bad night (4101)
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  (+26): View more from

  And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.

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  (+26): And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores. http://tfl.nu/l5oq
  Replies (29) Good night (4629) Bad night (610)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"

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  (401): so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now" http://tfl.nu/ut9w
  Replies (54) Good night (1139) Bad night (9139)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.

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  (423): Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis. http://tfl.nu/t2k7
  Replies (14) Good night (1159) Bad night (4911)
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  (310): View more from California

  You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.

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  (310): You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila. http://tfl.nu/3egv
  Replies (3) Good night (3217) Bad night (929)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.

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  (202): He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster. http://tfl.nu/s5i4
  Replies (12) Good night (880) Bad night (2192)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?

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  (214): Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being? http://tfl.nu/tmnj
  Replies (9) Good night (695) Bad night (819)
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  (714): View more from California

  Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?

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  (714): Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ? http://tfl.nu/wlh8
  Replies (5) Good night (957) Bad night (389)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.

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  (832): I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass. http://tfl.nu/h3v0
  Replies (13) Good night (947) Bad night (334)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I immediately regret the tequila decision.

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  (248): I immediately regret the tequila decision. http://tfl.nu/ptpj
  Replies (4) Good night (614) Bad night (365)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...

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  (443): I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ... http://tfl.nu/71on
  Replies (1) Good night (274) Bad night (558)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!

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  (416): What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time! http://tfl.nu/7efc
  Replies (3) Good night (628) Bad night (351)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I plan on blacking out and milking a cow

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  (301): I plan on blacking out and milking a cow http://tfl.nu/f0qu
  Replies (2) Good night (338) Bad night (171)

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