my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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