All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
