Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
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I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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