Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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