i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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